Myself

I have come a long way from being an insecure woman with extremely low self esteem to where I am today. I still do hear the little voice in my head telling me that I am not good enough, that I am guilty of things, that I am wrong, etc but I intend to stub out all these negative voices soon. I have to amputate all the toxic influence in my life. I am sick and tired of constantly beating myself up and sinkig into depression from all these negativity. I need to focus on the positive from now on. I need to get rid of this recurring depression and self doubts. I need to detox myself of all the bitterness, anger, guilt, negativity, low self-esteem, etc from myself. I need to be reborn to be a positive, happy person because I deserve that. I should not allow other toxic people to drag me down again.

I need to focus on the positive side of things right now. Be it my thoughts, my words, anything that surrounds me. I believe I will feel this through my actions. As long as I ACT happy, I will feel happy. Act and I will feel. I believe that.

I need a new direction for myself. Putting myself at the bottom of my list and listening to negative people say bad things about me is ot exactly gona boost my self-esteem. I believe a positive attitude is a good start. Get rid of the negative influence and walk towards the light. I realise my I have made my world so small that I have allowed myself to ne trapped in a small space full of negative energy and bad feelings. I have to step out of this box and widen up my life in order to feel better and to function better and to recapture the zest that I used to have. I NEED to be myself again. I NEED to believe in myself again. I NEED to be proud of myself again. I AM proud of myself and I appreciate being ME no matter what others tell me. I believe that I will be OK. I will be. I AM STRONG. I AM. I will be OK.

Be loving to myself , that's so important. Only allow good things, do not allow the bad things. Do something good for myself everyday. Mix with positive people who will not

Challenges to Myself

These are my challenges for now.

1. Discipline my kid positively and stick to it. Have more patience and not be provoked easily.

2. Live simply.

3. Stop buying unnecessary things.

4. Learn more about investments.

5. Try not to use the credit cards.

6. Be grateful.

7. Do yoga.

8. Eat more foods with anti-oxidants like fruits and vegetables.

9. Learn to cook a simple meal and learn to love cooking.

10. Be less rigid but not careless.

Insanely bored

I can't lie. I am insanely bored. Other than takig care of my kid, I really find my life meaningless and boring. I have somehow lost my direction as what to do with myself. I dun want to go on this way. It is really tough to live with boredom day in day out and I really have a problem with following the same routine everyday.

I dunno y. I dunno what to do . I somehow have lost interest in most things that I was interested in b4. Maybe I need new friends. Do new things. It is easier for me now to be stuck in a state of inertia than to DO something. Why have I given up on myself? To the point of depression. I dunno. Maybe I have lost hope...or lost interest. I have no idea other than I am freaking bored and I dunno wanna go with this boredom. I so uninterested in everything now. I have lost my zest, I can't believe it. I used to have so much enthusissm about everything. SO zestful. Now I can;t even bring myself to step out of this house. What is wrong with me?? I feel bored about everything. I have no energy for the smallest thing. I dun wanna believe that I have depression. I really think that it is my insanely boring lifestyle that is killing me. And the worst thing is I rather stay in this inaction than do somehting about it. I just dun care anymore. Sounds like depression.

I have lost interest in most things...I have to start somewhere if not I am really doomed. I have lost myself for the past decade. Do I really wanna carry on like this?

Let's list down somethings that I am still interested in:

1. My laptop. I think I can;t live without the internet these days.
2. Good healthy food. The biggest challenge in my life is to learn how to cook well and to LOVE cooking. Why do I bother. COs I think this is a very important life skill that a human being should possess. Cos all humans need to eat to survive.
3. Good TV programmes. Haha..I sound like a couch potato. Maybe I am..so what?
4.Music.Nice soothing positive music.
5.Looking young. I dun wanna grow old n fat. I wanna maintain my looks.
6. CHatting...I still love to chit chat with people.

That's about all for the moment.

Life as it is

Life.....just go with the flow......dun take everything so seriously....relax and let go of all the bad stuff. Be calm and relaxed under all circumstances....rest and take care of oneself.

After all, your body is allu've got so treat it well.

Practise this

Practise:

-Unconditional Love

-Forgiveness

-Patience

-Self-control

-calmness

Motivate others by example.

Go with the flow not go against it.

Decisions

Ok. I am not exactly happy but wt to do? I really dunno what can lift my mood or make me happy rite now.