30days of healing before I am fully healed. One day down....................29 to go.
Hopeful.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
The truth will set me free
There must be a reason for my actions. There must be a reason the way I acted, the way I felt and everything that I have done and said. There must be a reason. I dun believe that I am this evil person. I dun belive that I am a bad or cruel erson by nature. I am actually a very kind and forgiving person. I am pushed to the limit of my tolerance. All my actions are a result of my self-defensiveness. I believe so cos I have been hurt too much already. I strike before he has a chance to hurt me again. This is not healthy. I cannot be immersed in this unhealthiness anymore.
This has taken a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. This is too much already. This is too much even for an ordinary person to bear and I am just as ordiary as can be. I have had enough. Really enough. I have reached my limit.I have had it.
I have to give myself a chance to see the truth, to know the truth. The truth will definitely set me free. This vicious cycle has gotta stop. If not I will definitely not survive for long. Life is precious...I should not waste my life away like this. If there is no love, then so be it. If this is the result of the truth..then so be it. I am too exhausted to persevere or fight on anymore. I need a new beginning, a new life, a new start, a new self.
For now, I have to give myself a chance to be away from this person, to experience innerpeace and to know the truth. I need to know the truth. If I experience happiness as a reult then I will know what the truth is and not be so stubborn anymore. I am just too stubborn. I need to have the courage to find out the truth.
Focus on myself now for a change. My health has always been poor. I should focus to get my health back on track, to get my life back on track, to be myself again without guilt and be happy and laugh again without guilt. I deserve happiness. I have given my best...I know I have. I do not want to continue being mean so as to protect myself from all the hurt. Too sianz already. I am burnout already.
Give myself a chance to heal. Give myself a chance to know the truth. I need to give myself a chance of happiness without guilt. Been surrounded by too much guilt already. I don't want to win or lose.I just wanna find innerpeace that I deserve. I just want to be myself again. I want to be kind again. I wanna laugh again. I wanna enjoy life again without all the expectations and demands out of me. I have been a good mother...I can honestly say I have. It is just unfortunate that I had allowed all those matters to affect me so badly and make me into this person that I am. I have had enough. I definitely deserve better.
Everything was an illusion. Nothing was real. Absolutely nothing. I dunno what to believe anymore. There is always a hidden resentment somewhere. Always two stories. I dunno which one to believe anymore. I am too tired to se second guessing all the time. I am just too exhausted already. I need rest. I need to heal. I have to give myself this chance to heal.
This has taken a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. This is too much already. This is too much even for an ordinary person to bear and I am just as ordiary as can be. I have had enough. Really enough. I have reached my limit.I have had it.
I have to give myself a chance to see the truth, to know the truth. The truth will definitely set me free. This vicious cycle has gotta stop. If not I will definitely not survive for long. Life is precious...I should not waste my life away like this. If there is no love, then so be it. If this is the result of the truth..then so be it. I am too exhausted to persevere or fight on anymore. I need a new beginning, a new life, a new start, a new self.
For now, I have to give myself a chance to be away from this person, to experience innerpeace and to know the truth. I need to know the truth. If I experience happiness as a reult then I will know what the truth is and not be so stubborn anymore. I am just too stubborn. I need to have the courage to find out the truth.
Focus on myself now for a change. My health has always been poor. I should focus to get my health back on track, to get my life back on track, to be myself again without guilt and be happy and laugh again without guilt. I deserve happiness. I have given my best...I know I have. I do not want to continue being mean so as to protect myself from all the hurt. Too sianz already. I am burnout already.
Give myself a chance to heal. Give myself a chance to know the truth. I need to give myself a chance of happiness without guilt. Been surrounded by too much guilt already. I don't want to win or lose.I just wanna find innerpeace that I deserve. I just want to be myself again. I want to be kind again. I wanna laugh again. I wanna enjoy life again without all the expectations and demands out of me. I have been a good mother...I can honestly say I have. It is just unfortunate that I had allowed all those matters to affect me so badly and make me into this person that I am. I have had enough. I definitely deserve better.
Everything was an illusion. Nothing was real. Absolutely nothing. I dunno what to believe anymore. There is always a hidden resentment somewhere. Always two stories. I dunno which one to believe anymore. I am too tired to se second guessing all the time. I am just too exhausted already. I need rest. I need to heal. I have to give myself this chance to heal.
Monday, February 25, 2008
What do I enjoy?
I enjoy chatting....reading inspirational books..listeing to music.......writing...............chilling....people watching....watching movies............toning up............looking good..taking nice pics...........
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Contentment
Why is contentment so hard for me? Why am I always focusing on the negative? I think my perfectionistic ideas are killing me. My perfectionism is the culprit for all my unhappiness. In a lot of ays, I am very blessed. But I hardly focus on all these blessings that I have. Instead I put all my attention on the negative things. As you know, what you focus on expands. And I am always having hugh problems whicj are not probelms when viewed in a different perspective.
I should focus on the good qualities of people and not expect them to be perfect. Perfection is only an illusion. No one can be perfect in this world. I should learn to live and let live. I shouldnt sweat over the small, trivial stuff. I have to learn to let others be human sometimes. Humans are not perfect. Humans make mistakes. I have to learn to focus on the right things, the positive stuff and less on the negative.
Life is not as stressful as I think it is. If only I can let go of my own perfectionism, I will be a happier person, I will feel better and I will be less
stressed. I have to live life. Time is just a concept and an illusion. All we have is NOW. I have to relax and give in to the power of NOW. Life is beautiful if you think it is beautiful. What you think is what you get. The mind is really very powerful. Never underestimate the power of my mind. If I wanna feel free, I have to first BELIEVE that I am free. First, you believe. The rest will follow. Think and belive you have peace and you will have it. LIfe is such. Make full use of the power of the mind. Think and belive good thoughts.
I hsve been trapped and stressed by the neverending beating of the clock every single day. I have to learn to just BE. Time is just a mere concept. Don't be controlled by it. Rather, learn to live in the NOW. Time is just a guide. Follow my heart. Listen to how I feel. Learn to belive in myself.
Like I read somewhere...............See the light in people. Don't overly focus on their faults. Not as if the faults are so great.
Banish the need for perfection and I will feel loads better. Focus on feeling good.
Do whatever I can to feel good. I need this to be healed.
I should focus on the good qualities of people and not expect them to be perfect. Perfection is only an illusion. No one can be perfect in this world. I should learn to live and let live. I shouldnt sweat over the small, trivial stuff. I have to learn to let others be human sometimes. Humans are not perfect. Humans make mistakes. I have to learn to focus on the right things, the positive stuff and less on the negative.
Life is not as stressful as I think it is. If only I can let go of my own perfectionism, I will be a happier person, I will feel better and I will be less
stressed. I have to live life. Time is just a concept and an illusion. All we have is NOW. I have to relax and give in to the power of NOW. Life is beautiful if you think it is beautiful. What you think is what you get. The mind is really very powerful. Never underestimate the power of my mind. If I wanna feel free, I have to first BELIEVE that I am free. First, you believe. The rest will follow. Think and belive you have peace and you will have it. LIfe is such. Make full use of the power of the mind. Think and belive good thoughts.
I hsve been trapped and stressed by the neverending beating of the clock every single day. I have to learn to just BE. Time is just a mere concept. Don't be controlled by it. Rather, learn to live in the NOW. Time is just a guide. Follow my heart. Listen to how I feel. Learn to belive in myself.
Like I read somewhere...............See the light in people. Don't overly focus on their faults. Not as if the faults are so great.
Banish the need for perfection and I will feel loads better. Focus on feeling good.
Do whatever I can to feel good. I need this to be healed.
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