I need to be alone somtimes

Much as I think I dun need to have time alone. Much as I think I can handle not having alone time. Much as I think I dun need my own time doing my own things...I do need it for my own sanity and well-being.

Stop kidding myself...every human needs this. I am not a robot. I am only human. Dun expect me to function like a robot. I cannot. I am a human who needs rest. I am a human who needs time for myself doing things I like. I am only human. Accept that fact.

The Active Me

I wanna be more active. I wanna be a doer rather than someone who is passive. I wanna do things rather than not do anything. I wanna try different approaches.
Remember who moved my cheese?

How can I expect different results if I keep doing the same things? I need to change my approach to things. I need to have a different attitude, different ideas and different outlooks.

I need to heal myself. I need to be totally relaxed. Focus on the core of the problem rather than the symptoms for now. If my core is relaxed...my symptoms will be alleviated.

Yeah..I need to relax. I need to relax. I need to destress.

No more emotional turmoil. I need to be free from emotional turmoil for a while.

Declutter

Again...I need to declutter.

Declutter my house, declutter my thoughts. declutter my life.

Make some new goals.

Make some new decisions.

You came and changed my life.

Thank you God. You came and took away my bitterness and anger. Thank you Lord.

.............

I am in deep depression. I have anxiety and ocd..... I hate to be like this. I am so weary. I can't go on anymore like this. I just cannot. I am dragging my feet. I cannot go on like this anymore. I am going to be physically sick if this goes on.

I need to heal myself. I need to get well. Is it going to be a long and tedious task?
I dunno..I am just so depressed. I am totally checked out. I feel numbed. Maybe I want to feel nothing cos when I feel...I only feel pain and agony and stress. I am not so strong. I cannot go on doing something I dun like doing for far too long.

This has gone on far too long. I just hate myself for doing this to myself. I have allowed myself to be in this situation. I had totally brought this upon myself cos I have put myself last for so long. I had neglected myself for so long. I want things to be perfect for my child. So I allowed myself to undergo all this stress and where does this lead me? To the nervous wreck that I am today.

I totally regret. Really feel so bad about myself. I hate all these. I dun enjoy all these at all and that is the truth. This marriage feels like a whole bunch of duties and responsibilities. No sharing , no communication, no understanding...no care ...no love. This is how I feel. Totally bored of everything. I feel so bad. Sometimes I wonder whether it is pms or wat? Just that I feel totally unfulfilled.

So tired and so weary. How much longer can I put up with this? I dunno....

God, please help me. Please tell me what I should do now. Ease my pain and suffering.
Please lead me to the correct path. I wanna get out of this pain.

Coming out of the dark

I have been stupid. I have been so badly influenced by this person. No more. I know the truth now. Now I know.

Now I am going to focus on myself and be what I used to be. I am a good and kind person. I know I am. I need to be like that again. I need to walk out of the depression of this relationship. I need to move on for my own sanity ad survival. I will be a much calmer person after coming out of this darkness.

I need to go for counselling. I need to be financially independent. I need to take good care of myself...physically, mentally and emotionally. Eat better, exercise, keep a peaceful mind and a loving heart. I need to be near to friends who are positive and supportive and stay away from destructive people. I need to have faith in God again. I nned to trust God and His Will again. I need to rebuild my life. I know that I can do it. I am going to give myself one year dedicated to my healing. I need to get some help for my OCD. I need to destress and relax more and not sweat over the small stuff. I NEED TO TRUST MYSELF AGAIN MOST IMPORTANTLY. I need to have tge HOPE and believe in myself again. I need to move on to a more peaceful and calmer way of life.

Happy days..............

Lifestyle Makeover

I have seen so many women ruin their lives just cos of all the emotional pain they have inside. This pain can kill....really. I wanna improve myself..I wanna be healed.

I need a lifestyle makeover. I need to improve myself from inside out. I need to let go of all this pain and be healed. I need to be hapy and to embrace life. I need to be kind again. I need to focus on my road to recovery.

Cannot go on like this. I have to really let go and let others do what they want. Trying to control is like having no control. Worse. Anyway...I need to focus on myself first.

I need God. I need to trust in Him again. I need to put my faith in him again.
I feel so lost and amless without Him. I will walk out of this. And after I am out of this emotional turmoil..I will look back and be glad that I have survived.

Need to laugh and do things to make myself happy. There is no disappointment without expectation. I should ot expect too much from others ad just relax and be grateful and happy about all the things that I have.

I have to change my attitude. I have to change myself for the better. Not for others BUT for MYSELF. I need to do that for myself.

After chatting with her... I have come to realise how much I have changed over the years. How bitter and unhappy I have become. How cranky and grumpy I have become. And how self absorbed that I have become. I need to step out of this self made box and live for myself and be happy again and connect with others again.

I need God. So aimless and lost. I have to have faith in God and believe in His Will. Happy dayssssssssssssss................