I have forgotten when did this depression start. I have been so enthusiastic in the begining. Giving 110%. Being a perfectionist and doing everything I should. I have been a responsible and overall happy person. Although I dun quite accept or like what I was doing..I was doing it well. Yet..when did this depression start?
WHen I was stressed and have ocd? How can I reverse the situation? How do I go back? How can I heal myself? I need a miracle.
I will be healed. I will have my miracle. I will be 100% well again. That will be my goal from now. I need to take good care of myself. I dun wanna suffer anymore.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Need to snap out of this depression
What do I really really really want?
Good proper clean food without me having to cook.
What is my happiest moment of the day?
What is my mantra?
Let it be.
I woke up this morning really really tired. So tired that I nearly couldn't get out of bed. My brain bombarded with the usual questions and problems. I am not a cunning or hypocritical person and I sux at pretending. I cant pretend at all. I am too real. And I always have trouble bottling things up. I always need to get things off my chest.
Good proper clean food without me having to cook.
What is my happiest moment of the day?
What is my mantra?
Let it be.
I woke up this morning really really tired. So tired that I nearly couldn't get out of bed. My brain bombarded with the usual questions and problems. I am not a cunning or hypocritical person and I sux at pretending. I cant pretend at all. I am too real. And I always have trouble bottling things up. I always need to get things off my chest.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Always Choose Life
Why should I be stuck in this vicious cycle which I know in my heart that can never be resolved? Always choose to live my life happily. Always choose life. Why drive myself to a dead end when I know I do have a choice?
There are lots of possibilities in life. Never give up. I know I have made this mistake in my life but I should accept it, take it as a lesson for me and move on. Why be so stubborn? Why keep on persisting when I know things can never change for the better? Why must I be so insistent?
Dun be too rigid. Be more flexible. I need to live my life happily no matter what. I can still enjoy my life and have lots of hobbies and friends and people to talk to. My life will still be great. Dun have all these unnecessary pain. Yes, they are unnecessary. Totally unnecessary. I did not struggle so hard to make myself well just to fall into this mess of things. I need to pull myself out and CHOOSE LIFE.
I need to keep my sanity. I need to believe myself again. I am very proud of myself no matter what he says. Who is he to judge me? He does not know me at all. Whatever he says are not true at all...so why should I bother. I should cross him out in order to be happy again.
I am doing a great job so far in what I am doing and I am proud of myself. Despite my circumstances, I have been responsible and doing what I should be doing. I should spare a thought for myself from now on. I need to love myself despite all the negative attacks I receive from this man.
I dun need a toxic person like him in my life. I know I can never trust him again. He betrayed my trust time and again. Like a roller coaster, like a yoyo...always back and forth, back and forth but never getting out of this vicious cycle. I can say that what happened recently and what he did and said recently were perhaps the last straw and really opened my eyes that if I wanna carry on living , I need to cut him out. If we continue like that..it will not be a good ending.
I need to learn to be independent again. I need to avoid disappointments by not having any expectations. I can never live with his bad attitude, negativity and cruelty. His behaviour will never bring me happiness. And the fact remains that he will never change. Has been 12 years....still the same ...so...time to give up and move on.
I NEED TO CHOOSE LIFE FROM NOW ON. MY LIFE. Peace.
There are lots of possibilities in life. Never give up. I know I have made this mistake in my life but I should accept it, take it as a lesson for me and move on. Why be so stubborn? Why keep on persisting when I know things can never change for the better? Why must I be so insistent?
Dun be too rigid. Be more flexible. I need to live my life happily no matter what. I can still enjoy my life and have lots of hobbies and friends and people to talk to. My life will still be great. Dun have all these unnecessary pain. Yes, they are unnecessary. Totally unnecessary. I did not struggle so hard to make myself well just to fall into this mess of things. I need to pull myself out and CHOOSE LIFE.
I need to keep my sanity. I need to believe myself again. I am very proud of myself no matter what he says. Who is he to judge me? He does not know me at all. Whatever he says are not true at all...so why should I bother. I should cross him out in order to be happy again.
I am doing a great job so far in what I am doing and I am proud of myself. Despite my circumstances, I have been responsible and doing what I should be doing. I should spare a thought for myself from now on. I need to love myself despite all the negative attacks I receive from this man.
I dun need a toxic person like him in my life. I know I can never trust him again. He betrayed my trust time and again. Like a roller coaster, like a yoyo...always back and forth, back and forth but never getting out of this vicious cycle. I can say that what happened recently and what he did and said recently were perhaps the last straw and really opened my eyes that if I wanna carry on living , I need to cut him out. If we continue like that..it will not be a good ending.
I need to learn to be independent again. I need to avoid disappointments by not having any expectations. I can never live with his bad attitude, negativity and cruelty. His behaviour will never bring me happiness. And the fact remains that he will never change. Has been 12 years....still the same ...so...time to give up and move on.
I NEED TO CHOOSE LIFE FROM NOW ON. MY LIFE. Peace.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
From Now On
I am utterly disappointed with the male species. I wanna live my life on my own terms. Why bother about the acceptace of men. Who are they to judge my self-worth?
Although I am not bad at all. but still I am too disappointed in bgr to have another. Why not just enjoy my life with my friends and my family and have lots og enjoyable hobbies and people to talk to and still be happy and a blessing to others?
Why ask for trouble? Why have all the unnecessary pain and anger? Is it worth it?
Not at all..just a bit waste of time and energy. HAving a friend is better I guess.
It is better to be attached to nothing. Just have peace of mind and innerpeace and have health and money and family. Other than that can always enjoy my hobbies...no need a man to create problems for me.
Although I am not bad at all. but still I am too disappointed in bgr to have another. Why not just enjoy my life with my friends and my family and have lots og enjoyable hobbies and people to talk to and still be happy and a blessing to others?
Why ask for trouble? Why have all the unnecessary pain and anger? Is it worth it?
Not at all..just a bit waste of time and energy. HAving a friend is better I guess.
It is better to be attached to nothing. Just have peace of mind and innerpeace and have health and money and family. Other than that can always enjoy my hobbies...no need a man to create problems for me.
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