The truth will set me free

There must be a reason for my actions. There must be a reason the way I acted, the way I felt and everything that I have done and said. There must be a reason. I dun believe that I am this evil person. I dun belive that I am a bad or cruel erson by nature. I am actually a very kind and forgiving person. I am pushed to the limit of my tolerance. All my actions are a result of my self-defensiveness. I believe so cos I have been hurt too much already. I strike before he has a chance to hurt me again. This is not healthy. I cannot be immersed in this unhealthiness anymore.

This has taken a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. This is too much already. This is too much even for an ordinary person to bear and I am just as ordiary as can be. I have had enough. Really enough. I have reached my limit.I have had it.

I have to give myself a chance to see the truth, to know the truth. The truth will definitely set me free. This vicious cycle has gotta stop. If not I will definitely not survive for long. Life is precious...I should not waste my life away like this. If there is no love, then so be it. If this is the result of the truth..then so be it. I am too exhausted to persevere or fight on anymore. I need a new beginning, a new life, a new start, a new self.

For now, I have to give myself a chance to be away from this person, to experience innerpeace and to know the truth. I need to know the truth. If I experience happiness as a reult then I will know what the truth is and not be so stubborn anymore. I am just too stubborn. I need to have the courage to find out the truth.

Focus on myself now for a change. My health has always been poor. I should focus to get my health back on track, to get my life back on track, to be myself again without guilt and be happy and laugh again without guilt. I deserve happiness. I have given my best...I know I have. I do not want to continue being mean so as to protect myself from all the hurt. Too sianz already. I am burnout already.

Give myself a chance to heal. Give myself a chance to know the truth. I need to give myself a chance of happiness without guilt. Been surrounded by too much guilt already. I don't want to win or lose.I just wanna find innerpeace that I deserve. I just want to be myself again. I want to be kind again. I wanna laugh again. I wanna enjoy life again without all the expectations and demands out of me. I have been a good mother...I can honestly say I have. It is just unfortunate that I had allowed all those matters to affect me so badly and make me into this person that I am. I have had enough. I definitely deserve better.

Everything was an illusion. Nothing was real. Absolutely nothing. I dunno what to believe anymore. There is always a hidden resentment somewhere. Always two stories. I dunno which one to believe anymore. I am too tired to se second guessing all the time. I am just too exhausted already. I need rest. I need to heal. I have to give myself this chance to heal.