This is it

I dunno what to say. Just feel very tired of all the anger manipulation and the silent treatment and the withdrawal and rejection. There is no deep communication or sharing or even basic respect towards me. Lots of emotional abuse involved. I dun think I can tolerate all these much longer.

I have never been happy in this relationship cos of all the silent treatment and anger. Unhappy for 12 long years. What makes me think that things can get better?
I persevered and for what? More hurt and meanness and pain from this person. He does not deserve my kindness and patience. He takes me so much for granted.

It is really time to give up. I have to stop being so si xin yan. No matter what I do..it is not going to change anything. This is the way it is. Fated. A mistake form the start. I have to admit that I have made a wrong choice. Indeed, I cannot neglect my heart anymore. Just because I have health problems means that I cannot follow my heart? MY heart says that this is wrong and bad for me. I stay because my health is so poor? I deserve freedom of choice even though my health is poor. This will be a big regret forever if I continue to tolerate.

I need to have a new life. I need to get a job and depend on myself. I need to have new friends. And I need to stop accepting and taking nonsense from people. I need to get rid of this guilt that he dump on me. He has never been my friend. I have had enough. It wasnt totally my fault definitely. He made me into who I am today and I hate it. No more. I cannot be anywhere near this person. He has given me enough depression.