Stop thinking

Am I punishing myself? He walks around eating donuts and feeling happy while I am here punishing myself and sulking anf thinking and wrecking my brain and having a huge weight on my mind and chest and feeling depressed and feelig stressed ad have worse OCD? Why am I doing this to myself?
Is this worth it? Is my pain worth it? Forgetting this does not mean that I have forgiven him and will just act as if nothing happened and give him a chance to hurt us again. Forgetting this is merely and purely for myself. Cos I have the right to be happy. I have the right to enjoy my life. Who do I have to burden myself with these thoughts day after day, night after night...feeling so troubled and bothered..while he walks around acting as if nothing happened...shirking all his parental responsibilities as usual and feeling happy and relaxed while I am tensed and uptight over everything?

Do I honestly wanna get cancer cos of him? Has he not destroyed me enough? Or rather destroyed me n kid enough. Have I not had enough of this? Am I not tired?

I need to let go of all these for my own well being. Does not mean that I will go have sex with him next minute or give him aother chace but just that I wanna let go of my own anger so as not to harm myself further cos of him cos IT IS DEFINITELY NOT WORTH IT.

Let there be peace in my heart and in my soul from now on. :)
And let my mind rest. :)