More to Life

There is definitely more to life than BGR, marriage and motherhood. There is more to life for me than being a wife and a mother and to be focused on BGR. It is better to be less emotional. Lots of things I can do with my life. I am sure that there is a purpose in life just for me. I am growing roots so as to flourish more.

Now I should focus on feeling good and having fun and enjoying life. Actually I should be damn proud of myself no matter what he thinks and says. I have done what I should despite everything. I should not let him affect me. I should not care about his judgements and criticisms. AND I DUN NEED HIS APPROVAL!!! Anyway this person does not give me a good feeling. DUn feel good when I am with him.

Anyway, there are lots to do in life........than just BGR.. I should not focus on a unfulflling relationship anywa or make any more efforts to improve it. TIme to just let go. Also parenting is a gradual process of letting go. I feel my kid is old enough to learn independence and resilience. I should not tell him what to do anymore. Rather I should guide him to make the right decisions for himself. And I should teach him how to fish instead of just giving him the fish. Also he should learn to soothe himself when he is upset..I should refrain from trying to comfort or pacify him anymore.

I have to give him space to learn and to grow up....and to achieve independence while keeping an eye on him to keep him safe.

Now is the time to focus more on myself. I have neglected my well-being for so long. I need to come back to focusing on ME.

Wanna change my hairstyle leh...but feel sianz to sit there for 4 hours for the straightening. Boring..........and uncomfortable with my vertigo and all. Very sianz.....I feel really bad for myself sometimes cos I have deteriorated to this. That I cannot even go to the salon without this fear of vertigo. Sianz...tooo much stress and anxiety have resulted in OCD in me, hormonal imbalance and vertigo, migraines and heart palpitations. Sianz..how to get rid of all these? When I cannot even relax or have the space to recuperate and get healed? I need some time to really relax and recover.