Silly Me

I had believed everything he had said. I had trusted him 100%. I was too soft-hearted and too forgiving. I was too gullible and too vulnerable and too naive. He was so cunning. Yet believed all his lies...yes..they are lies. Now I know. Now I understand. Everything had been a front. Lies.

Everything I had done had been nothing in his eyes. He does not appreciate nor does he cherish. I am a BIG NOTHING. He had taken me a million percent for granted. All my sacrifices had been in vain. Whatever I had done is not even a contribution in his eyes. ALl he does is to make me feel guilty for not doing enough. Whatever I do is NEVER enough. NEVER. Why should I even try. I will always fall short.

There is always a hidden agenda. Everything had been a front. He had taken my kindness and repaid it with cruelty. I will never win cos I will never be as heartless and cruel as him. He must be laughing at me for being so EASY..for being so gullible...for being so trusting ....Hahaha..maybe I should laugh at myself for beig so stupid.

I will not give him a chance to hurt me again. Does he think I will be this stuid forever. Yes..I had been stupid to have put my trust and faith in him. I had been in denial. In denial that he had been so mean to me and had been emotionally abusing me all these while. He had never treated me well. Dun think he ever will. What makes me think that he will change and a miracle like we will live happily ever after will happen? How much longer do I need to be in denial.

I must say I am utterly hurt and disappointed. I am very disheartened beyond words. He had done this for the umpteenth time. I had already felt numb. His mere existence now makes me angry and sad. I cannot go on like this any longer.

I have to break free from this vicious cycle........if not..I will be sucked into this bottomless pit of darkness. I need to break free for my own sake. I have to think of myself now.