Anger

Ok Ok...I know anger is destructive and it is bad for one's health..blah blah blah...but I can't help but have difficulty controlling myself from feeling this emotion and reacting strongly to it.

I am constantly angry. At my kid's disobedience, ay my husband's irritating behaviour , at other people's stupidity.

I suck at anger management. Tried relaxation techniques, whatever shit methods there are out there...but I will be back to the drawing board very soon. Nothing works.

People tell me to try being contented and practise gratitude for everything. Not that I am not grateful..I honestly am..but I am still reacting strongly to my anger. I cannot control my anger outburts....

Maybe I am experiencing a slow burnout....for caring too much. Yeah..you can burn out for caring too much....foir doing too much....that's me. I used to do that. Now I dun care. The other extreme end....From overly caring to totally not caring...

I read on a burnout website that totally not caring is the symptom of a burnout. SO what? I am burnout...depressed....angry....but I still have to go through the day to day motions of trying to fulfil my responsibilities. I have to force myself to do the things I dread every single day.

I love my kid, that's about it. I do care about him. But other than that..I have lost interest in my marriage and in doing anything more in this house. Depression? I dunno...really....everything seems like such a drag.

Change my attitude? I can't force myself to fall in love with my hubby again. What we have is probably just emotional attachment and reliance.

I have no connection with this man...and I doubt he feels any connection with me. We don't interact much everyday..and you can imagine the boredom there is. We do have sex occasionally but that is about the most interaction n 'connection' that we have.

Call me stupid but I do believe in having a soulmate in my life...someone whom I can share with. No sharing with my hubby at all...if I do..it will be a one way street cos he can never get me. NEVER. Ten years of marriage and we are still like strangers. No understanding whatsoever.
The worst thing is ..he is not even a friend to me.

SO you can imagine my life...a big empty shell. I feel loneliness and emptiness every single day....... sometimes that gets overwhelming but U have somehow learnt to deal with it and live with it.

Better to stay away from my hubby and leave him alone than to quarrel with him cos that always happens when we are together.

SIck of everything. F**k.......