Calm

Calm. Sometimes it is so hard to stay calm. Even though my head is telling me to be calm, to breathe, to calm down.....I just can't do it. Sometimes I am so angry that I am totally out of control that I scare even myself. I can't calm myself down...I can't stop lashing out and I start hurting everyone around me. I am amazed and scared of the amount of anger I have inside me. The worst is PMS period. I am toally out of control and feels so bad that I am totally notin control of myself. I am afraid of those days...I really am.

Calm...... I feel like I am in a pressure cooker everyday and coupled with my hormones during PMS period..I just explode, erupt like a volcano. I can't let this go on. I cannot allow this to cause damage to the people around me. I need to have self-control no matter how BAD I feel. Sometimes I feel SOOOO bad, that a trigger is all it takes to set me off. I cannot handle stressful situations at all when I have PMS and feel pressured at the same time. My hubby is certainly not helping by giving me black, disapproving face all the time, especially during my PMS period. I really hate it. It really triggers my outburst.

I really HATE HIM giving me the black face all the time especially when our kid is throwing a tantrum. I have to tolerate the tantrum together with his silent and angry treatment towards me..plus my PMS..that really sets me off! I am really afraid of myself when I have an angry outburst like that. ANd I really hate my hubby for addinf fuel to the fire.

I have to have self-control NO MATTER WHAT. CONTROL is what I need. I need to control my emotions even when my hormones are raging havoc. I have to control myself even though I feel stressed by everything . I have to control myself even though I feel really really LOUSY AND BAD. I have to CONTROL myself even when my hubby gives me a black face and silent treatment when I am already stressed by everything. I HAVE TO. I cannot do any more psychological damage to my son. It is not fair to him. I cannot have another angry outburst in front of him anymore.

I HAVE TO CONTROL MYSELF. And I know it is going to be real tough but I have to do it. I HAVE TO. I have to find other constructive ways to vent my frustrations and stress.

I think the first thing I should do when I feel my blood pressure rising faced with a stressful situation during my pms is to have a time out for myself.. RUN AWAY! take time out to CALM down. AND DUN deal with anything. JUST LET THINGS BE. I know very well...once I start handling a stressful situation under those circumstances I would quickly lose it and go berserk. That is how little control I have when I have PMS. So I have to be careful. REALLY BE MINDFUL of myself. REALLY HAVE TO TRY.