Why am I angry?

I hate being a housewife. I hate to stay at home and face a defiant kid. I hate to do chores. I, above all, hate to cook. I hate to do nothing except domestic stuff. I HATE being a caregiver. I hate, I hate , I hate......

I am not a homemaker by choice. I have to be one to take care of my kid full-time.
No choice...no other options in child caring.

I hate the boredom...the lack of anticipation of anything......nothing interesting is ever happening in my life. And I mean the good kind of interesting. I need good exciting fun in my life. Currently I have none.

My hubby is the most boring, wishy-washy, non communicative man I know. WOnder how we remained married till now. Ten long years. And why did we get married in the first place? Probably I was a different woman then. If I had been the person that I am now, I would never have married him. Nonetheless...maybe it is all fated. Life.....

How can I go on..day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year doing all the domestic things that I practically hate??? How much more patience do I have to force myself? I am no domestic goddess definitely...in face I am not even domestic to begin with. I wasn't even the type who would stay at home. I am not homely. Never was.

Sigh...how do I get excited about my life again? I feel that my life has been taken over by all these responsibilities and commitment. I am just overwhelmed by being a housewife and like a robot doing all the same chores day in and out. Hmmm...I have
become a machine...not a human.

I hate facing these four walls every day. I hate having no adult company most times. I hate having no freedom. I hate all the rules...all the things I SHOULD do..not what I want to do. I hate all the SHOULDS.

I am trying hard to stay afloat and not lose my sanity and sink into deep depression. I am feeling the slow burnout...........yeah...definitely feeling it.

I feel like sprouting vulgarities now. Don't tell me to change my attitude...I simply can't. F**k.....