Why?

Sometimes I dun understand myself. Do I think I am Superman? I can't do everything. Why must I keep forcing myself and trying so hard to control everything and make everything as perfect as possible that it has taken its toll on me. My health has suffered greatly as a result. I refused to give myself a rest or take a break or do something for myself to make myself happy. All I did was do was I thought I MUST do and was the right thing to do...I OVERDID IT AND IT BACKFIRED ON ME.

I thought I was doing the right things.. But I was smothering. I thought I was trying so hard to control but the truth is it is impossible to control everything. I thought I was doing the right thing but over pushing myself and forcing myself...that I should feel guilt if I give myself a break or let myself slack or rest. What was I doing?? I was feeling so much guilt that it was hindering my own self care.

As a result..now my health suffered. The people around me suffered. Sigh....I made a mistake not just to myself but to my loved ones also. Sigh.......... Now my health is so bad....I wonder whether I will ever recover fully and feel good again. I will never push myself to the limit again or force myself till I drop again. NEVER. SOmetimes it is better to give space for myself and others. I need to take care of myself. DUn let guilt and worry overwhelm me to the extent that I cannot rest .

I am so afraid now. Feeling phsically sick everyday...really cannot function is no joke. Feels horrible. I wonder whether I will ever recover fully. If I do..I will NOT make the same mistakes again. This I promise myself. Sigh.......sad.